In which I discuss that sickness called "home" and my resolutions

Right about now... I'm supposed to be studying for midterms. But who actually studies when they have to? *Get's a message from mom* Oh right... good students do. But seriously... Who is a good student when studying abroad?
Since it is likely that I will die tomorrow (from my Korean midterm for the class that I am waaay out of my league in), I want to skip a few months ahead to the present to commemorate my time here, as well as the time marking 2 months until I hop on a plane and head home.

First I would like to address the issue of my declining English skills. For this I apologize (I just misspelled that 3 times as I write this, fyi), but I can do nothing about it. I live in a house with 22 people, 19 of them speaking English as a second language. If I ask you to "take me a picture" or tell you something is "not possible" or tell you to go "ask the Tommy", just do as I do and understand. 이해해 제발! :-) Really... I forget words a lot these days. I guess I've watered down my vocabulary to just below average. Better start reading Dickens and Austen, eh?

I'm getting... I wouldn't say scared... but apprehensive about coming home. I've always heard you get reverse culture-shock. You get depressed. And I believe it! Sure, I'm looking forward to it! I think about it these days way more than before. I see home in nearly everything. I ride a bus and see trees by the highway... I'm in Tennessee. I'm eating cheese... I'm in America. I listen to a song... I'm in my room. I eat some American food... I'm in my house. Then I see our dirty kitchen, and I am roughly returned to my lovely dormhouse in Anyang, South Korea. Ha.

Before, I wouldn't have told you this since I felt bad about it, but I didn't miss home at all. It's not that I didn't love everybody, of course, but I just didn't think about it much. These days, I get this feeling that it would be great to be home... in two months. Maybe... it's homesickness? You may laugh, but I don't even know what it feels like, honestly! I've not had any semblance of homesickness since I was in first grade, crying for my mom at my friend's house during a thunderstorm. But, no lie, I'm happy here! I wouldn't go home now, even if I had the chance. But let's just say... I'm happy that I'm going home in 2 months.

Buuuuut I'm not. I'm torn up at the thought of leaving these people!

Of leaving this place...

Honestly, I hardly remember my one semester of dorm life. I'm more of an Anyang student than a Tech student! I've only gone to one semester of Tech and two here! I'm not sure how easy it will be going back to a place that requires a car to go everywhere. Though my parents are amazing... they're not restrictive except where it's necessary... I just don't know what it will be like to live in a house under authority again.

But I sure look forward to the food... Sometimes I look at my lackluster one-panned meals and think "참아야지" (chamayaji, "just endure it..."). ㅋㅋ.

And right here, though I'm afraid to do this since my mom reads this, haha, I want to tell you a few things I've  learned and want to put into practice when I get home. (Anything thing you read after this point cannot be used against me as a tool of coercion or guilt tripping in ANY way and ANY point). :-P

So I'm not sure if this is just a phenomenon of being away from home, but when I go back, I really want to help more around the house. I mean, honestly, it's not that hard. Especially if you just keep stuff clean! I'm afraid (and a little embarrassed to admit) that I wouldn't help much at home without being asked. But seriously, picking up a broom and just doing a quick sweep around the kitchen takes what... 2 minutes? And why not do the dishes? Would it kill ya? For all the people who grew up never resenting chores... congratulations. I hate to say it took me this long to mature.

Second, I want to share more. Despite my mother's great attempts to deter it's appearance, the selfishness that so permeates American culture has become ingrained in me. Of course, this in itself is human nature, but I feel like America especially is extreme in selfishness. Korea's got the sharing thing down pretty well. I think I've explained this before... how people share dishes usually in restaurants, how they offer each other food, how they buy things for others. I honestly can hardly believe that at one point in my short life I told my brother "No, you can't taste it! It's mine!" That is unimaginable to me now. HOW could I have been such a bad example to my brother? That I will change... have changed already.

I want to learn to cook! Being here has definitely made me want to know more dishes. I've got to learn how to do that thing where all the dishes of a multi-dish meal come out that the same time. Seriously. I already experienced that thing where Koreans asked me incredulously "You have to use a recipe?" lol.

And finally something else I've learned here. I found out that I'm capable. I have much to learn, but I am an adult, no matter how much my culture tell's me otherwise. Yes, I still like to be silly, watch kids' movies, squeal at incredibly cute things, jump up and down in excitement, be creative and artsy whether it concerns cardboard boxes on a rainy day or making weird noodly hotdogs or hotdoggy noodles, and yes, I am naive. Just try and convince me that that's a bad thing. While I may have had apprehensions about living alone, or handling my own finances one day before coming here, I don't anymore. Partly because now I know I can do it, but mostly because I know that God has given me these abilities as gifts.

And that leads into my last thing. I want to be more involved in ministry of the church. My spiritual journey here I count as the most important part, rather than "finding myself" or learning basic manners, ha. But if you do want to know more about what I've learned spiritually through this, I'll ask you to talk to me personally. I'd love to tell you! But just know that God has been so faithful to me. I've had ups and downs like everyone does, but He was my rock throughout all of it. He is the reason I'm here, and He's the reason I return! And anything good I learned here, I credit to His work.

Thanks for hanging in there! I know today was long, and mostly serious. But this is a serious subject for me. I've lived here for a year, and it's a big deal to me. It's difficult to evaluate it, and I still have 2 months to include when I get home! It's not over yet :-)


MUSIC :-)
Not a video ㅠㅠ (korean style tears aka :'-( ) but I love the sound of the song, especially the whistling :-)